Ways out of violence

Self-exploration exercise: Recognize domestic violence!

Most people think of violence against women as the literal “black eye”. But violence can take many different forms, especially in a partnership. Domestic violence also occurs within the family – meaning the violent person could also be your partner, father, brother, roommate(s), etc.

The following exercise is from the flyer “More than heartbreak” by the Frauenberatung.EN Gesine (p. 3). You can engage with the questions hidden behind the headings to gain more clarity about your situation.

Domestic violence

In everyday life

Does your partner decide who you can and cannot meet?
Does your partner forbid you to leave the house or to make phone calls?
Does your partner give you no, or very little money?
Do you feel threatened or afraid in your partnership?
Has your partner hit you, pulled your hair, beaten/kicked or choked you?
Have you been married against your will or are you soon to be married against your will?
Did you break off the relationship and your ex-partner is stalking you, ambushing you or harassing you via phone calls, text messages and/or letters?

In the presence of others

Has your partner insulted you, yelled at you, or belittled you in front of others?
Does your partner intentionally put you in embarrassing situations?

In sexuality

Are you being pressured into sexual acts you don’t want to perform?
Are you being forced to watch porn?
Are you being forced into sexual acts or being raped?

Other examples of domestic violence

Has your partner threatened:

violence towards you?
that you will lose your residence if you break off the relationship?
to take your children away from you?
to destroy your belongings?
to kill him-/herself?

If you have the impression that you are living in a violent relationship, it can be helpful to talk about your experiences to someone you trust and who makes you feel taken seriously. This can be a friend, a doctor, a colleague, etc. It is important to think about whom to confide in and what exactly you want to share. It is helpful for others if you clearly state what you need in terms of support.

You also always have the option of contacting the local women’s counselling centre or the Violence Against Women support hotline. If you would like to find out more on our site about possible courses of action in acute situations of violence, click here.